Name Your Money Nemesis
You might remember my article a couple of weeks ago about margin. When there’s no breathing room in your finances, ugh, the emotional weight! The stress. When you’re carrying that, you may only be able to explain it as “stress.” But most of us have a specific kind. A money worry that churns quietly in the background. It might not scream for attention, but it shapes our choices and moods. What if we gave it a face? What if we could name the thing that keeps that stress alive?
Let’s call it your Money Nemesis.
Where the Idea Came From
In all transparency, I got this idea from an ADHD coach friend, Elizabeth Lord, whose article The To-Do’s That Never End really struck me. Her advice to “name your nemesis” stuck with me, but I realized it goes deeper than getting things done. Sometimes our “nemesis” isn’t a single task. It’s an ongoing undercurrent of stress we’ve learned to live with. When we finally name it, we bring it out of hiding. This applies to all of us, whether we have a beautiful ADHD brain or not. And it applies to our money world. (If you’d like to check out her other great work, visit her website here.)
When we can name our nemesis (that is, where our money stress lives) we externalize it. It goes from vague distress to something we can actually see and work with.
What It Might Look Like
On the surface, money stress often shows up as simple frustrations: the credit card balance that never seems to shrink, the partner who shuts down every time you mention the budget, or the money that disappears faster than you expect.
But underneath those patterns lives something much deeper. For one person, it might be a fear of becoming like a parent who spent for appearance’s sake, so every purchase feels like a test of restraint. For another, it’s the ache of not feeling securely loved, so they pull back or shut down to avoid more criticism. For someone else, it’s the pressure to prove their worth; to make up for what was missing growing up, or to show they’ve “made it.”
These are the real money nemeses. The surface stress is only the hint. When you can name what’s really happening beneath it, you start to work with the root, not just the symptom.
Five Reflective Steps for Beating the Stress
Name it: What’s the recurring money stress that drains you or keeps looping in your mind? Give it a name, even something playful or descriptive (“Budget Beast,” “The Silent Standoff,” “Sir Not-Too-Much”). I know it feels heavier than this, but naming it can make it feel a little less heavy, and makes it real instead of vague.
Look inside it: What’s the hardest part about facing it? Sometimes it isn’t just fear of failure or not knowing what to do. It might be fear of repeating a parent’s pattern, fear of being judged, or the deeper ache of not feeling safe or seen in this part of your life.
Spot the real roadblock: Beneath that stress lives a story. Something like “If I relax, I’ll lose control,” or “I’m the only one who can fix this,” or “If I spend, I’ll become irresponsible.” These beliefs shape how we react.
Interrupt the pattern: We can’t always control what triggers money stress, but we can learn to notice when it’s in charge. When that familiar tension or urge shows up (to over-control, avoid, justify, shut down), pause. Ask yourself, “Whose voice is this?” or “What story am I repeating right now?” That moment of noticing interrupts the old pattern and gives you the space to choose something different.
Choose one small step: Overwhelm keeps you stuck, but small steps reduce friction and create motion. What’s one simple next move that can break the grip of this stress? Could you allow yourself to spend on one “love” this week? Work a few less hours and connect with your family more? Let your partner know how you feel criticized, saying “I feel…” instead of shutting down? Take that small action, not to fix everything, but to start releasing its grip.
Why It Matters
Money stress is horrible. It touches everything in our lives. And it just grows louder, or manifests itself in other unhealthy ways. But naming your nemesis helps quiet it. You haven’t fixed everything, but you know you’re doing something about it. You’ve called it out. And now you’re in charge.
Coming Soon: The Money Stress Profile
I’ve been working on something new to help you uncover your unique Money Stress Profile: where your stress lives, what triggers it, how you react to it, and what you can do to move through it. It’s coming soon, but this exercise is a great way to start.
So, take a few minutes to name your nemesis today. If you want, hit reply and tell me what you discovered.
Sending you my love and encouragement so you can live a [money] stress-free life.
Think your money nemesis might have a starring role in your money talks? Find out with the Money Talks Quiz. And grab your WealthTalk Starter Kit for a better script next time!
