Interrupting the Stress Loop
Did you name your nemesis?
He/she might look cute, but he's a nuisance. and worse, an underlying stress that impacts every area of our lives, and relationships. Your money nemesis is a voice or pattern that keeps your stress alive.
This week, we’re digging into steps 4 and 5 (from last week): interrupt the pattern and choose one small step.
Have you ever noticed how quickly stress can take over? One small thing happens (a bill arrives, your partner makes an offhand comment, a purchase doesn’t go as planned) and suddenly you’re repeating the same pattern. The same conversation, the same behavior, the same anxious spiral you swore you were done with.
That’s the stress loop. And it’s sneaky.
How the Stress Loop Works
Here’s how it tends to play out.
Something triggers your worry.
Your body reacts: tight chest, racing mind, short fuse.
You say or do the thing you always do: avoid, over-control, justify, or shut down.
Then comes the guilt, frustration, silence, maybe even fear.
And life goes on… until the next trigger arrives. Because nothing was actually addressed.
Sound familiar?
Our brains like efficiency, and once a pattern is learned, it repeats automatically. Especially when emotion is involved. And we’re surprised that money is emotional! But it is. It touches safety, identity, belonging, and power. All deep wiring from our past experiences, as well as our present ones.
Catching It in Real Time
Here’s what to do first: notice it.
Over the years of coaching, I’ve learned a lot about myself. Mostly through the same kinds of conversations I have with clients. My “Sir Not-Too-Much” money nemesis is my uninvited companion because of my past: a fear of repeating a family member’s pattern of pretense and spending to “show off.”
So he whispers, “Do you really need that?” or “What will others think?” And beneath those questions sits a fear: Will I be judged as irresponsible or shallow?
When I pause long enough to ask, "Whose voice is this?" I realize it's not just mine. It's old conditioning. And that moment of recognition is powerful.
Try this:
The next time your stress loop starts, don’t rush to fix it. Just catch it. Notice what your body does, what thoughts or feelings pop up, and what action you want to take on autopilot. That awareness is the first interruption.
Choosing a Different Move
Once you’ve caught it, experiment with one small change.
If you tend to over-control, try curiosity instead of command.
If you tend to shut down, try a simple statement: “I’m getting tense. Can we take a pause?”
If you justify every purchase, ask yourself what feeling you’re trying to protect.
Working With Stress, Not Against It
Do you see the compassion in this approach? It’s needed.
Your stress isn’t the enemy. It’s an old safety mechanism that’s simply overfunctioning. But you don’t need its constant protection anymore. When you meet it with gentleness instead of judgment, you start to change your relationship with it. You’re partnering with your stress instead of being ruled by it.
Each time you notice and pause, the loop weakens. You’re teaching your brain that safety isn’t only found in control or avoidance. It can also be found in awareness, communication, and compassion—with yourself, and if you’re doing this with someone, with your partner too.
Why It Matters
The more you interrupt the loop, the looser the grip of your stress. And the more energy you free up to live the way you really want.
Next week, we’ll explore one of the most powerful ways to calm that stress: gratitude and contentment. We’ll look at how they help you remember that you already have enough. And that’s a deeply freeing place to live from!
P.S. If your money stress shows up most during conversations with your partner, take the Money Talks Quiz and grab your guide to Talk About Money (Without a Fight).
