Before you figure out whether a dream is possible, give yourselves a little room to imagine it.
A couple I’m working with had been having a lot of tension around money talks, so I suggested going back to some easier conversations for a while. They chose this question: What do we want our life to look like in five years?
One thing they wanted was to have their mortgage paid off. And that first conversation went well! They stayed with what they wanted, without getting into whether they could actually do it. There was room to imagine.
But when they talked about it again, just before our next session, one partner said he didn’t see how it could possibly happen. That's when that all too familiar tension entered again.
You know how easily this can happen. You’re imagining the freedom of having your mortgage paid off, but your partner is mentally calculating what you’d have to pay each month to get there.
This same couple experienced something similar in an earlier dream conversation, except in this case roles were reversed. He shared, and she evaluated whether the dreams were realistic. He felt judged instead of heard. I asked them to try again, with curiosity, setting aside the question of what was possible—the conversation went much better 💜
You can listen to a dream without agreeing to make it happen yet.
Yes, the numbers and practical steps deserve a conversation, too. But first, stay curious a little longer. What would accomplishing this make possible? What would feel different? You can understand what you’re both hoping for before you know how to get there.
Imagining,
Dee
P.S. Know someone who might find this helpful? Feel free to forward this email. And if someone shared it with you, you can subscribe here for more insights on money and relationships.
