Why Money Roots Run So Deep
On the Hello Someday Podcast last week, Casey and I had such an engaging conversation about where our money beliefs come from. Before we even got into her story of leaving corporate (and the salary her husband reminded her about for years), we circled back to something I teach in Wealth Together: your money roots.
Most of us never stop to think about where those beliefs began. We just live them out. We carry messages and memories from childhood that shape how we think, feel, and act with money today. And unless we pause to notice them, those scripts run on autopilot. They can quietly drive so many of our money decisions, as well as the way we argue (or avoid arguing) with our partner.
Money Scripts at Work
In Wealth Together, I call these messages money scripts. They’re lines we picked up early on and now act out, sometimes without realizing it:
“You’re irresponsible if you spend too much.”
“A man has to provide, no matter what.”
“Life is short; enjoy it, don’t worry about the money.”
They aren’t necessarily words we say out loud. They’re what we hear in our heads.
Casey shared how hard it was to walk away from her corporate salary. Not just because of the paycheck, but because of the messages in her mind during her drinking years. That script of “you need your salary to be safe” stayed with her, even after things changed.
A Story of Awareness
One of my clients, Akira, realized she was carrying a script too: that women need to be secretive with their money, to be safe. Once she realized it, everything changed. Her conversations with her husband stopped feeling so tense and awkward, and they started to feel like a team!
This is the power of awareness. Before you try to fix, change, or solve, you need to see what’s there.
Your Money Memories
Along with scripts, we also carry money memories:
Watching parents argue about bills
Back-to-school shopping pride (or embarrassment)
The feeling of your first paycheck
Whether birthdays were big or frugal
Those moments may seem small, but they sink in. They create the soil your financial life grows out of.
What to Do Next
If you want to start this awareness work:
Write down money messages you grew up hearing.
Jot down a few childhood money memories.
Notice how those still play out in your choices, or in the way you and your partner talk today.
And if you’re managing money on your own, this is just as important. Understanding your roots helps you have mastery over your decisions, so you don’t stay stuck in old patterns.
You don’t need to solve anything yet. Just notice. And if you’re willing, share one discovery with your partner. Practice curiosity. No arguing!
That simple step can transform your conversations. It gives you compassion for yourself and for your partner, who grew up with totally different roots.
If this is resonating, you’ll love the deeper dive we took on a recent podcast episode
🎙️PODCAST SPOTLIGHT
This week I joined Casey on the Hello Someday podcast to talk about money roots. We also dug into: 1) The Gottman Institute’s Four Horsemen and why they derail money conversations. 2) What it really means to align your money with your values and make intentional, meaningful choices.
P.S. Curious about your own money style? My free Money Talks Quiz gives you a personalized result and starter tips for your next conversation.
