The Advice I Had to Rethink

Early in my coaching work, I made a lot of assumptions.

My clients were thoughtful, engaged, and willing to look at their finances honestly. And yet, progress kept stalling. I knew something in my approach needed to change.

Where I started

Coming from a finance background, I loved jumping straight into the numbers. I believed those numbers would do most of the work. If couples could see the full picture, things would naturally line up. Values would settle, their conflict would ease, and better plans would create better habits. That assumption was not wrong, but it was incomplete.

Many couples weren’t able to work with the numbers right away. Not because they weren’t capable, but because there wasn’t enough emotional safety to work with what the numbers told them. So I pivoted and slowed down. Instead, I focused more on relational patterns first.

Problem solved? Not exactly. Over time, I realized something else. Focusing only on the relationship doesn’t fix everything either.

What I see now

What I see now is this: numbers without emotional safety can feel threatening and discouraging. Yet, emotional insight without structure can leave couples talking in circles. Sustained progress happens when both are held together intentionally, and in the right order.

I see this clearly with clients.

One couple needed relational repair before making strategic financial moves. But once safety started to take root, shared accounts and full visibility actually supported the rebuilding of trust in their relationship. Another couple had no significant trust issues, but struggled with decisions around a large bonus. In that case, the numbers and systems provided relief and direction early on. And eventually, real momentum.

That’s why my work looks different now.

How I work with couples today

When couples begin with a Wealth Strategy Intensive [link], we don’t avoid the numbers, and we don’t rush them either. We look at your financial picture right away—cash flow, net worth, decisions, and wealth-building direction—so we’re not guessing. At the same time, we assess what your relationship can realistically hold. If emotional safety is fragile, that becomes the first focus. And if there’s enough to work with, we strengthen it while putting simple systems in place.

The Intensive is a standalone, working session. It’s $895. Couples leave with a clear assessment of where they stand, both relationally and financially, and what their next best steps are. For some, that clarity is enough to move forward on their own. For others, it reveals the value of deeper work.

The good news

Either way, the fog lifts.

If you’re noticing that tension in your own conversations, ask which piece has been missing, and whether it’s time to look at both together.

A better way of working together,

Dee