Why Money Conversations Feel So Hard
And How to Ease Into Them
This week, I want to give you something to explore and work with. Nothing overwhelming. Just a small step you and your partner can try together.
Have you ever thought, “Let’s not talk about it right now…” when money comes up?
Money conversations can feel heavy. Maybe one of you delays the topic until bills are due. Or every time it comes up, the talk leads to conflict or silence. It’s not that you don’t care about your finances. It’s that the conversation itself feels stressful and uncertain.
Here’s what’s going on. Most of us weren’t taught how to talk about money. And with different backgrounds and money stories, avoidance feels easier. But avoiding money talks keeps you stuck in the same patterns.
What Gets in the Way
Relationship researcher John Gottman describes four destructive patterns that tend to make conversations go sideways. They’re what he calls the Four Horsemen. They show up around money too!
Criticism: “You always…” instead of a simple complaint.
Contempt: sarcasm, eye-rolling, or mocking that damages trust.
Defensiveness: protecting yourself by shifting blame.
Stonewalling: shutting down, tuning out, or walking away.
If you recognize these, know that it’s common, for everyone! Almost every couple bumps into them at some point. But beginning to notice them, and choosing another way, can really make a difference! (I’ve noticed changes in my conversations with my husband since I began coaching couples in this area.)
A Small Step That Helps
You don’t need a whole evening, or a perfect plan. Just try this:
Tell your partner you’ve been reading these articles, and that you’d like to have a simple and short talk about money, just to share thoughts, not strategies. I like Ramit Sethi’s (@Ramit) recommendation to start with this question:
“How do you feel about money? How do you want to feel about money?”
Have your partner ask you the same questions. Keep it short and simple. And assure your partner that you’re not trying to get to solutions; instead, you just want to really listen to them…and leave it at that, for now.
Think of this as practice, like flexing a new muscle. Each time you try, the conversation feels a little more normal and less intimidating.
Support to Make It Easier
If you’d like a little structure, I created the free WealthTalk Starter Kit. It includes:
Conversation prompts that spark connection without blame
Do’s and don’ts to keep talks respectful
Coaching tips for each communication style
Reflection questions to help you grow from every conversation
It’s a gentle way to move from avoidance to connection, without needing to solve everything at once.
👉 Take the Money Talks Quiz to discover your style and grab your free Starter Kit.”
I’m excited for you to have your “imperfect” money talk. Just get started!
